THE THREE STOOGES: LARRY

So as you know readers, I’m giving online dating a chance. It has its’ winners and its’ losers, just as any club, bar, wherever you go to meet members of the opposite sex. Or same sex. Miss Scarlett doesn’t judge! This time I got responses from three guys. I decided to give all three a chance. Dude #1. Let’s call him Larry. He’s four years younger than me, college educated, hard-worker. Seemed like a decent guy. I mean, he even texted me poetry one morning! Our conversations online were pretty good. Making small talk. Asking about our hobbies, favorite sports teams, talking politics, and so on and so on. Then he asks me if I enjoy going for walks. “Why?” I ask. “Do you not have a car?” I say jokingly. “Actually, no. I don’t have a car right now, is that a problem?” He said he had car troubles and was taking public transportation for the time being. I was sympathetic, since I drive a 1999 hooptie. I decided to continue my conversations with Larry. But then, he gets a little to comfortable with me… “I hate my job. It doesn‘t pay enough.” He texts one day. (Oh, for the record, I‘m texting or IMing everyone because my cell phone doesn‘t get good reception out here in the woods.) “I don’t know if we can meet up Tuesday. I have to go to court.” Larry says in a text. I don’t ask any questions, assuming it’s traffic court for a simple speeding ticket or parking ticket. Dumb ole Larry continues… “Yeah, I have a $1,000 ticket.” HOW THE HECK DO YOU GET A $1,000 TICKET?!?!?! That’s not for speeding in a school zone. He had to have been stashing some cocaina in the trunk or shooting at cops or something. Let’s see… No car, has a job he hates, and has done something dumb enough to earn him a $1000 ticket well into his grown-azz-manhood? No thank you! NEXT!!!

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