The Scarlett Letter

June 28, 2010

The Pawn

Filed under: Uncategorized — missscarlett19 @ 12:44 pm
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“Hey Scarlett! You have GOT to talk to this guy I know!” Naomi texts me one day.

I’m skeptical. Naomi is a summatime friend. You know, someone who’s a friend just some of the time? I’ve been friends with her since we were teenagers, but we had a falling out about five or six years ago. About two years ago we began mending fences, but I was never able to have the same closeness we once enjoyed.

I tell her I need  more information. Where does he live? What does he want in a relationship? What does he do? Does he have any kids? Has he ever been arrested? Naomi doesn’t give out a whole lot of info. She says he’s from Gotham and works for the government. Since Naomi lives in the Capital, I assume he does as well, but I ask her to clarify if he works for the US government or the state. She isn’t sure. Most importantly, I ask how she knows him. Again, she isn’t quick to hand out information. I tell her it’s ok if she went out with him once or twice but there was no connection. Naomi “confesses.”

“Yeah, Eric and I went out a few times, but I just wasn’t feeling him. Don’t worry, we never kissed or had sex or anything! But he’s tall and handsome and is a really nice guy!” Naomi adds.

“Ok! Ok!” I finally surrender. “Give me his number and I’ll call him!”

Two days later, I call this “wonderful man.” Well, he does seem like a great person, but we just have very little in common. He’s very outdoorsy, while my idea of roughing it is staying at a three star hotel. He loves living in the city, while I prefer the suburbs. And then the deal breaker. He works closely with two other guys I dated in the past back in Gotham.

Then Eric asks me “Why do you think Naomi thought we’d be a good match?”

“I guess because I studied politics in college and she thought we’d have a common interest there.” I replied. Honestly, I didn’t truly know why she set us up. I think it’s because a few days earlier she invited me on a couples trip with her and her boyfriend. I had to remind her I’m a single, not a couple. So I thought she was trying to get me paired off as quickly as possible.

The next day, my phone rings. It’s Naomi. “Um… Scarlett… What did you tell Eric about me???”

“Um… Nothing! Our conversation was only about the two of us!” I mean, why on earth would Naomi think that our convo would center around her? No! “The only two things he asked about you were how do I know you and why did you think we’d be a good match.”

“Well, he’s been trying to contact me and asking about me, but I’ve told him I’m happily involved.”

I have no idea what Naomi is talking about. The next day, she emails me asking me to take a look at the “crazy” message Eric wrote her. I scroll down, reading the messages in reverse:

“I talked to Scarlett last night.” Read the first message, “She seems cool, but I’m wondering why you thought we’d make a good match? How are you doing by the way?”

“I have a friend I think you should talk to. I think you two would really hit it off!” wrote Naomi about three days earlier.

The day before, Eric sent this message to her: “Well, I’m happy for the both of you. But if it doesn’t work out, please give me a call.”

Naomi: “I’m seeing someone seriously now. We’re very happy together.”

That message was in response to the first email Eric sent to her, about two weeks before Naomi came up with the brilliant idea of playing matchmaker and connecting us. “Hey babe,” Eric wrote, “I still think about you every day. Is there a chance we can get back together?”

Naomi did not realize she sent me all the messages. She was sending them trying to say I said something to Eric to spark his interest in her again. I politely told Naomi “It looks like these messages began before you set us up.” No response.

Did she really think she could pull a fast one on me like this? My “friend” wasn’t actually trying to make a love connection, but trying to get some dude off her back. She should know by now that Miss Scarlett doesn’t like to play games. But chess is a game of smarts and this little pawn somehow made all the right moves and saw what the queen was attempting to do. Check and mate!

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June 25, 2010

Baby Making Music in the AM

Filed under: Uncategorized — missscarlett19 @ 2:48 pm
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Ladies, in case you missed it, Maxwell and all his fineness appeared on the Today Show this morning. Aaaaah… To be Tamryn Hall just for one day! SWOON!!!

Here’s more of his performance from this morning.

And fellas… Don’t worry! There was something for you this morning on Good Morning America! Ms. Alicia Keys performed over there. Just ignore the fact that she’s carrying someone else’s seed and enjoy the show!

And go here to find more clips from her appearance on GMA.

The Other “L” Word

Filed under: Uncategorized — missscarlett19 @ 10:44 am
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I was sitting on the couch one evening with my latest boo candidate, Devon. We’d just completed a fabulous dinner cooked by my hands and were enjoying some delicious wine selected by him, listening to the Maxwell station on Pandora (disclaimer: that station is full of nothing but baby-making music, so take the proper precautions before playing it). It was a wonderfully romantic evening.

Devon and I have been talking for a few weeks and things are going really well. He has the top qualities I’m looking for in a man. Smart, funny, caring, ambitious, spiritual. Not to mention he’s an extra tall piece of tasty dark chocolate with a rock hard a**. (Snap out of it Scarlett!!!)

The Isley Brothers’ “Living For the Love of You” was playing on my laptop. I was feeling it. Or maybe it was the 2 1/2 glasses of moscato. I’m not really sure. I’m comfortably cuddled up in Devon’s muscular arms. My head is light (again, possibly a result of the white wine). I lay it on his firm chest, close my eyes and say “I like you Devon.”

SCREEEEEEECH!!!!

Somehow someone dragged the needle across the digital version of the Isley Brothers’ classic record.

“Um… are you sure?” Devon asks me.

All I said was that I like him. LIKE. Not love. L-I-K-E, not L-O-V-E. Guess he just heard the L at the beginning and the E at the end and got confused. I could see how a dude would flip out if a girl said she loved him after less than a month. But that’s not what I said!

“Am I sure I like you?” I ask. “Of COURSE I’m sure! I said I like you. Not love. You seem like a nice guy and all. You seem cool. I like you. I like ice cream. I like flowers. I like lamp. I like chair.” I’m starting to sound like Brick Tamland from Anchorman.

Sadly readers, this was not the WORST reaction I had to my uttering of the other “L” word. The worst happened several years ago. I’d been dating this one dude for several months. We were laying in bed, cuddled up, enjoying the closeness. “I like you” I said. Crickets. No response from him at all. And he was one who was not typically at a loss for words.

There were a million things ole dude could have said at that time– “I think you’re a great person…” “Aw, aren’t you sweet!”… “Gee Scarlett, you’re so beautiful!” Any of these would have worked. But no response is the worst of all. Worse than even saying “I think you’re scum,” which is what I wanted to say to him.

Back to Devon now… He managed to rescue himself.

“I enjoy spending time with you too,” he said. “And when it comes to the Big L word, just so you know, I have no problem saying it out loud when that time comes.” I think I’ll keep him around and see if we get to that Big L word.

June 15, 2010

The Three Stooges: Curly

Filed under: Uncategorized — missscarlett19 @ 2:22 pm
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THE THREE STOOGES: CURLY

Curly was my favorite Stooge. I guess because I like big ole oafs. I don’t know why. But I’d talked to Curly years before and we had something kinda going on even though it was long distance. I’m not sure how I met him, but it was online somewhere. He’s tall. Very tall. 6’7”.  I just have a thing for big cuddly teddy bears! We’d had a decent relationship before, great convo and everything, he even sent me a dozen red roses for no reason. First guy to actually send me roses. But I was a young thang back then. Wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. Plus we’d never actually met in person. So I bailed.

Fast forward to 2009. He finds me on Facebook. We reconnect.  We were supposed to meet up when I was visiting Peach City for Thanksgiving. Alas, Curly does not have a car either. I tell him that’s an issue. He can’t come to my mom’s house to court me after getting off the bus. She don’t play dat. Plus, I probably wouldn’t be able to borrow a car and didn’t have the money to rent one. Finally, I found a car to use, but I didn’t hear from him.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I see him online and go to his page. He saw I stopped by and wrote me a note simply saying “We need to talk.” “Talk about what?“ I think to myself. I ain’t got NUTHIN’ to talk to his dumb azz about. Well, being the kind and loving person that I am, I decide to give him a call. We talk, and we eventually agree to go out that Sunday for a movie (and I assumed lunch or dinner, depending on the time). I said I would go out to him and pick him up.

I get there. He towers over me. Curly bends over to give me an awkward hug. He stinks. He’d been looking forward to meet me for years, don’t you think he could have splashed on just a LITTLE cologne? Some Axe or Old Spice even? No. I push the seat in my teeny little car waaaaaaaay back. Some how Curly manages to squeeze in although his knees are all up in the dashboard.

We get to the theater and Curly asks me what I want to see and says he wants to see Iron Man 2. I tell him I hadn’t seen the first one and I’m not really into that kind of movie. So I suggest another action movie and Queen Latifah & Common’s Just Right, which is about love and basketball. Should have been a good date movie. We get to the ticket counter. “Two for Iron Man 2” he says. Ugh!

We walk right past the refreshment stand. He doesn’t ask if I want any popcorn, no Jujubees, no nothing. He didn’t even give me the chance to offer to buy him something. (Not that I would have. I mean, I DID just drive like 40 minutes to pick him up!) The movie had already started, and it was a good thing. That meant 10 less minutes that I had to sit through that mess. I was bored. I’m sure I would have enjoyed the movie had I been a 12 year old boy, but I’m not!

I’m acting kind of pissy during the movie, but try to suck it up and enjoy the company. I fake attraction and put my right leg against his left. Meanwhile, my left leg was as far away from him as could be! Curly reciprocated the closeness. With his arms folded, he touched my arm with just his one finger poking me in an ET kind of way. How romantic.

Two hours later, we leave the movies. “What’s next?” I ask. “I don’t know. What do you want to do?” Curly responds. I tell him how I’d skipped lunch and was hungry and ask if we can get something to eat. “Ok,” he replies, “but it has to be somewhere inexpensive.” Inexpensive??? Is he for REAL??? I wanted to leave Curly in that parking lot and burn rubber! But I was hungry, and a free meal’s a free meal. I mean, it wasn’t like I was ever going to see him again, right?

Curly wedges his expansive self back into my compact sports car. He asks if Ruby Tuesday is ok. I have no problem with that place whatsoever! I wasn’t expecting dinner at the Four Seasons, so that place was more than fine. Had he not said the word “inexpensive,” he might have had a chance for a second date. Well, actually, no he wouldn’t have! Had he not said the “I” word and used some Irish Spring, he MAY have had a second date. I said MAY!

After dinner, he crams himself back into my car. He asks if I want to go back to his place and chill and watch TV. I quickly come up with an excuse. “You know, I’d LOVE to, but I have a dentist appointment tonight. I know it’s a Sunday and all… But I gotta get a root canal.” Ok, so I had a better excuse than that, but it was still pretty bad.

On the drive back to drop him off, Curly says “On our next date, I’ll take you to the Cheesecake Factory!” Um… Dude… There won’t BE a next date! NEXT!!!

June 9, 2010

THE THREE STOOGES: MOE

Filed under: Uncategorized — missscarlett19 @ 11:23 am
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At the same time as I was getting to know Larry, I also began to talk to second dude. Let’s call him Moe. Moe was a very handsome, tall piece of dark chocolate. He, of course, had gone to college (an important criteria for me), pledged a fraternity, and even played professional football for a week and a half or something.

Moe had a job. Not the best job, but a job none the less, and in this economy, that’s golden! His living situation was a little odd. He had just moved in with a female friend whom he claimed was not his girlfriend. Why do I keep giving these “special cases” a chance? If I liked dogs, I’d be the person to take in all the pups with two broken legs, mange and are blind in one eye. Geesh! Anywho… Back to Moe….

We chat online for a while. Then he tells me he has to go work overnight as a security guard. Moe asks me what I’m doing that night. It happened to be Cinco de Mayo. I tell him I’m going to a comedy show with my girls. Why does Moe ask me to meet him for a drink when he gets off at 1am? Sorry! I don’t do booty calls! NEXT!!!

June 3, 2010

THE THREE STOOGES: LARRY

Filed under: Uncategorized — missscarlett19 @ 4:03 pm
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So as you know readers, I’m giving online dating a chance. It has its’ winners and its’ losers, just as any club, bar, wherever you go to meet members of the opposite sex. Or same sex. Miss Scarlett doesn’t judge! This time I got responses from three guys. I decided to give all three a chance. Dude #1. Let’s call him Larry. He’s four years younger than me, college educated, hard-worker. Seemed like a decent guy. I mean, he even texted me poetry one morning! Our conversations online were pretty good. Making small talk. Asking about our hobbies, favorite sports teams, talking politics, and so on and so on. Then he asks me if I enjoy going for walks. “Why?” I ask. “Do you not have a car?” I say jokingly. “Actually, no. I don’t have a car right now, is that a problem?” He said he had car troubles and was taking public transportation for the time being. I was sympathetic, since I drive a 1999 hooptie. I decided to continue my conversations with Larry. But then, he gets a little to comfortable with me… “I hate my job. It doesn‘t pay enough.” He texts one day. (Oh, for the record, I‘m texting or IMing everyone because my cell phone doesn‘t get good reception out here in the woods.) “I don’t know if we can meet up Tuesday. I have to go to court.” Larry says in a text. I don’t ask any questions, assuming it’s traffic court for a simple speeding ticket or parking ticket. Dumb ole Larry continues… “Yeah, I have a $1,000 ticket.” HOW THE HECK DO YOU GET A $1,000 TICKET?!?!?! That’s not for speeding in a school zone. He had to have been stashing some cocaina in the trunk or shooting at cops or something. Let’s see… No car, has a job he hates, and has done something dumb enough to earn him a $1000 ticket well into his grown-azz-manhood? No thank you! NEXT!!!

June 1, 2010

Dr. Charming

Filed under: Uncategorized — missscarlett19 @ 8:28 am
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So readers, I’ve been so busy living my new life that I’ve hardly had the time to actually blog about it! I’ve been here in Peach City for just about six weeks now. People have told me the dating scene down here is horrendous, but I figured it couldn’t be any worse than what my love life was like back up north. Up there, it was SO bad, it was on life support!

You know I’ve been actively dating online for a while now. Well, as soon as I unpacked my car that Sunday, I decided to update my profile to reflect my new city. I instantly got a hit. That Wednesday I was supposed to go out with a great catch. He was a tall, handsome doctor who owned a home and a condo., loved to travel all the time, dressed well, and so on and so forth. Well, he had to postpone because he had an emergency C-section.– greatest excuse I’d heard in a LONG time! We were able to meet up the next day. He was great! Handsome, smart, charismatic. I refused to believe that I’d met my Prince Charming just four days after moving down here, but he allowed me to see that there really are good men out there and to “keep hope alive!”

I didn’t really think we had that great a connection, but was willing to give him another chance. I mean, he’s the kind of guy a mom dreams of for her daughter. As we were leaving, he asked if I wanted to meet up again Saturday morning. I told him I was busy. But I was almost willing to cancel my plans to see him again. He then asked what I was doing on Monday.
“Nothing,” I said.
“Ok, we’ll meet up Monday then” said Dr. Charming.

Alas, Dr. Charming DID have a wart a two.  I called him Saturday morning. No answer. No return call. Then I texted him Sunday night just to say hey and looking forward to Monday. No response. Monday, a text asking if we were meeting up. Nothing. A week later I called to say what’s up. Again, no response. Oh well! Some things are just too good to be true! Back to kissing toads for me!

May 3, 2010

Miss Scarlett Has Arrived!

Filed under: Uncategorized — missscarlett19 @ 5:46 pm
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Hey readers! Ok, I’m gonna stop calling y’all readers and start calling y’all friends because y’all are! You’ve been with me for a couple of months now, so I feel the love and hope y’all feel it too!

Now back to my regularly scheduled post:

I have arrived at my final destination! Peach City! I pulled up to my temporary digs 8 days ago now. Needless to say, the last few days have been hectic, hence why I have not been posting.

I spent my last night on the road in the Queen City with an old friend from my prep days at an all-girls’ school. I have to admit, I was really surprised she let me stay with her. I hadn’t talked to her since she and her mom moved down south in the 10th grade. But I needed a place to stay and thought I’d just throw it out there.

It is such a blessing to have good friends like that! Knowing that if you’re in need, they will help you. I have (or as I should say, HAD) friends who I would always go out with. They were always ready to go have a drink or go to the club. But if I got a flat or needed a sandwich because I hadn’t eaten in a week, they were nowhere to be found.

Well, FRIENDS I’m still unpacking and learning my way around the area. I will be sure to keep you updated about my adventures in my new city. Until next time!

April 25, 2010

On the Road Again

Filed under: Uncategorized — missscarlett19 @ 8:04 am
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Good morning readers! I arrived safely in the Queen City last night. Of course, with my luck it wasn’t without incident. Somewhere in Virginia (don’t ask me where, because I have NO idea!), I got stuck in a major backup. I did see the highway signs flashing for a while along 95 warning me “Accident at Exit 54.” My GPS was of no assistance. So, for about an hour, I sat in the bottleneck. Only one lane out of 3 was open to cars. A state trooper whizzes by me in the breakdown lane. Then I smell something burning. A few minutes later, a fire truck comes roaring by. Followed by a tow truck and some odd looking vehicle. Finally, I approached this scene, and this is what I saw: a tractor-trailer turned on it’s side. But I do have to thank God that I was just driving by and not the one involved in that accident.
Hitting the road in a few more hours. Then, just about 3 1/2 hours until I get to the Peach City!

April 24, 2010

Hit the Road Jack! I mean Jane… Er Scarlett!

Filed under: Uncategorized — missscarlett19 @ 7:43 am

Good morning from our Nation’s Capital readers! I left The Bean yesterday. Boy was that an ordeal! My original plan was to leave Thursday and spend two nights with my best friend Julie here, but plans changed. I called and told Julie I’d be leaving Friday about 10am. Well, that didn’t quite happen either! I finally got on the road about 1:30pm. Had one last load to wash, but unfortunately, the dryer didn’t want to dry. *Sigh!*

I loaded my Little Lady (my 1999 Chevy Cavalier) up to the brim! It took some serious strategy (or strateegerie as Bush 43 might say). I couldn’t just close the trunk, it took some major maneuvering. Like one big game of Tetris!I managed to leave just enough room for me. Well, not quite enough! My right arm was resting totally on my purse and my bag of snacks toppled on me a couple of times. Pringles hurt people!

A couple of days ago, I plotted my route on Google Maps. It gave me three options. The first went straight through Gotham City. No. I knew traffic would be horrendous. The second bypassed it, but added about a half hour. The third went through the Poconos and took an extra hour. Naw, I’ll pass. So option #2 it was. I entered the Garden State. Rather than getting on 95 there, the directions had me take 287. Then I get off on 206, expecting it to be a local highway. No. It was back roads! Google estimated my time on that road at about a half hour. Nope! They did not count for the lights, and I hit every… single… one! It took me at least an hour. Finally I made it to 95. But I still had about another 3 hours to go.

Thank God and Red Bull I did eventually make it safely. About 2 1/2 hours after I’d originally planned. I’d hoped to make it here in time to grab a drink or something with my bestie. No. She was asleep and had an early hair appointment. I’m hoping she gets done quickly so we can at least go to breakfast.

My next stop is the Queen City where I will be staying with a friend from high school. I think the last time I saw her was when she was in 10th grade and I was in 11th? So you know, just about five years ago. STOP LAUGHING!!!

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