Julie and I have been friends since college. Oh, remember I said in a previous post that like my 10 best friends are ALL named Julie? Well, try to stay with me. Anywho… Julie and I have been friends since college. We’ve had good times, and not so good times. We even had a falling out that lasted for years. A couple of years ago, Julie and I reconciled. Now I have no idea what the falling out was over, but I have NEVER cut off friends before, so it must have been something serious. Slowly I’ve allowed her to re-enter my life. Now we’re back to talking on a regular basis, chatting for hours on end about a variety of nothings on a Saturday afternoon. Talking about everything from fashion to politics to, of course, men! It was a good feeling to have my old friend back!
But then, slowly but surely, things started to change. During our regular dishing about dating disasters, every now and then Julie would throw in a “You know what you need to do Scarlett?” At first it was all good. I appreciated another woman’s perspectives. After a while, it began to get hella annoying. Everything I was doing was wrong. And now that she and her man of one year have finally decided to “claim” each other, she thinks she has ALL the answers!
“You know Scarlett, you shouldn’t call the guy at first. I never had to call Austin when I started dating him.”
“You know Scarlett, you shouldn’t be dating guys you meet online. I met Austin at an art gallery.”
“You know Scarlett, you shouldn’t order a steak on a date. I only eat salad when I’m out with Austin.”
“You know Julie, you should just shut the hell up. I’m sure Austin would appreciate it.”
But I can’t really say that, because she’s my friend. And she’s good for other things like… Wait a minute, I’m thinking. Um, let me come back to that!
Well, unsolicited advice isn’t a deal breaker. I’m sure I’ve been guilty of it every now and then. But now another issue has come up. I haven’t seen Julie in at least 5 years. Now we may be in the same city at the same time. I’m planning to visit family next month and Julie is going with Austin to meet his mother and sister in the same town. It starts out with just the two of us meeting for lunch so we can catch up and she can get a break from the pressure of meeting his family. I think it’s a great idea and agree.
“Hey Scarlett!” Julie says excitedly, “You know what? I would LOVE for you to meet Austin! So he’ll come to lunch with us. Plus it would be good for him to meet one of my oldest and dearest friends!”
No one wants to be the third wheel, but I know Julie’s super serious about this dude and this is important to her. So I agree. I can handle one little lunch with the two of them on one side of the table and me and my big purse on the other.
“Oooh!” Julie squeals with delight, “And Austin’s sister and HER boyfriend can come too! It’ll be GREAT!!!”
Hold up! Wait a minute! Stop the bus… Not only does she want me to be the third wheel, but now she wants me to be the FIFTH wheel? And I don’t even KNOW three of the people? I ask her why she wants to do that if she’s trying to plan a break from his family. She reiterates how fun it will be. I tell her I won’t be comfortable. I mean, I am happily single, but being with a bunch of happily paired-off people I don’t know isn’t my idea of fun. I thought about calling up one of my guy friends to accompany me, but I wouldn’t want him to think I was trying to pretend like we were something we’re not. I mean, if she were inviting me to go to his family’s cookout or something, that’s different. But an intimate lunch or dinner with just two couples and me? No bueno.
I’ve tried over and over to tell Julie that I’m not comfortable with the five-some. Why would she continue to insist upon this group outing? Am I wrong for not wanting to take part? Am I missing something here from her point of view? How should I handle this and still keep her as a friend? Appreciate your thoughts and comments readers!
The Scarlett Letter 