Miss Scarlett: Super Sleuth

Technology is a bitch. Especially when it comes to dating. I mean, praise be to Al Gore for inventing the internet, but it has its’ downfalls. Sure, without online dating sites, millions more women (self-included) would be sitting at home alone every night. But it can also lead to trouble. I’m not talking about “To Catch a Predator” style trouble, but trouble none the less. It’s helped me catch dudes in lies, but I’ve also gotten tripped up by technology as well. I’ll tell you that story another time.

I always Google dudes before I go out with them. One of my friends, Julie of course, thinks that’s wrong. She says I need to get to know him and find out these answers by being with him, talking to him and asking him important questions. To that I say, you wouldn’t buy a car without doing some research on it first, right? So why wouldn’t you wanna know something about the guy before you get too deeply involved? Besides, I’m a journalist by trade. Being inquisitive is my nature and I want to find those answers. I know, I know… “Curiosity kills the cat.” Well, it’s a good thing kitty’s got nine lives!

In all fairness, I’m not looking for things like how much money does he make or how big is his house. I’m looking for basic, yet important things. Like does he have a criminal background (serial killers are not my thing)? Are those pictures really of him or are they of Morris Chestnut? And most importantly… IS HE MARRIED???

You may be laughing at that last one, but I am straight serious about it! It actually happened to me! I met this hot guy online, Jake. He lived in the same city as my sister. We chatted online and texted but never talked on the phone. After about 2 weeks or so, I asked why he didn’t call me. Finally, he told me to call him, but it went to voicemail each and every time. Of course this made your girl Scarlett suspicious. So, to Google I went! I looked up his name in Peach City, but there were at least a dozen guys with the same name. I knew he was a personal trainer, so I Googled that. Bingo! Found his bio page at an area gym. Cool. I looked through page after page and didn’t find anything incriminating and was about to give him the green light. But then, for some odd reason, a little voice in my head told me to search Yahoo. So I did. One of the first things to pop up was a note on the obituary page for the great actor Ossie Davis, who had a long and wonderful marriage to the lovely actress Ruby Dee. I love this couple, so I click on the page to see what Jake wrote.

“Ossie was such an inspiration to me.” Ah, how sweet! I continue to read on. “I can only hope my wife and I can have a marriage as wonderful Ossie and Ruby’s.”

Wait… WHAT??? I re-read the note, once, twice, three times. Did he just say his WIFE??? I look at the date stamp on the note. It’s from only the year prior. That meant at best he was very, very, VERY recently divorced or widowed and at worst, um… MARRIED! So the next day I try to call Jake. Of course there’s no answer. About five minutes later, he texts me back.

“What’s up?” he writes.
“Call me” is all I text back.
“I can’t! I’m watching the game baby!”
“Which game?” I ask.
“The Falcons vs. the Eagles” he responds
“So am I. Call me at halftime or don’t bother calling or texting me ever again.”
“Don’t be like that baby! Stop playing!”
“I’m not playing Jake!”

Of course he never called me, and of course I could have cared less!

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