Videophone

Dudes, why do you always ask us to get on the videophone? Especially if it’s the first time “meeting” us online? That is no bueno. Seriously. Why? Because we all aren’t Beyonce and don’t have perfect lighting and Diva Fans readily available!

Here’s why you can’t just ask a woman you just chatted with online or on the phone to do a videophone call:

1) When we meet you in person, we want to look our best. Hair perfectly curled, perfect lipstick, cover up those little blemishes, etc. If we’re talking to you on the phone or by IM, we most likely are in our big baggy sweats, rollers in our hair, and pimple cream slathered all over our faces.

2) The video quality is bad! It’s not the same as seeing us in person! Sometimes it’s grainy & pixellated. Most times it looks like someone’s smeared mayonnaise over the lens. I don’t care what brand, how high-tech or new fangled it is, it’s STILL not the same as seeing us live in person!

3) The lighting is awful! Unless you have a studio set up, videophones are often dark and create weird shadows. You need to give us some time to design a lighting set-up before we can converse.

4) 3-D things don’t look as good in 2-D. I’m a curvy girl. If you flatten my 3-D curves into just 2-D, I look extra wide. Plus it’s a known fact that cameras add 10 pounds.

Guys, it’s perfectly ok to ask us to chat via videophone after we’ve been out on a few dates. You know, after you’ve seen us at our best and maybe our date-acceptable-worst. You know, a fitted t-shirt and ponytail, and only wearing mascara. Seriously fellas, if the first time you saw us was in a poorly lit, grainy videophone with us looking a HOT mess, you’d NEVER wanna talk to us again!

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Give Me a Ring!

I’ve been talking to this dude now for more than two months now. He’s long distance, but whatever. We talk on the phone about 2 or 3 times a week. He’ll text me in the morning wishing me a good day. He’ll text me at lunch to check up on me. Then when he gets home, he’ll IM me and we’ll chat. We communicate a lot. At this point you may be asking “So what’s the problem Miss Scarlett?” The problem is that he hardly EVER calls me! When we talk on the phone, nine times out of ten, it has been MY fingers doing the dialing! Like I said, he does regularly initiate contact via other formats, but rarely picks up the phone to call instead of texting.

Why is it that men fear the phone? Now I know what you might be saying: “If he’s not calling you, then he’s just not that into you.” Well, every time I talk to him, he’s VERY excited to talk to me. One time I didn’t call or text him at all for almost two weeks. He texted me a couple of times during that period. But when I finally broke down and replied to a text, he was so glad to hear from me, afraid that I’d moved on to someone else. (Well, I HAD met someone new, but that didn’t turn out so well!) A couple of hours after my text, he began to be a man and flaunt his peacock feathers and sent me a picture of him after his workout at the gym. The next day, he texted me from sun-up to sun-down. But still. No phone call. I don’t think he had another chick because I’ve dealt with those losers who always want to call me back in 30 minutes when they’re in the car. Finally, a couple of days later, I text him and say “I appreciate the texts & IMs, but I really need you to call me sometime… But not tonight.” The next day, at 5pm, he called me! Things have been pretty rosy ever since.

So lesson of the day guys, give a girl a ring every now and then. It’s an important way to show us you care and that you’re thinking about us too. Now, don’t call TOO much early on because that’s just creepy and stalkerish. Then we’ll have to go all Lady Gaga and Beyonce on you and ask you to “Stop Tele-phonin’ Meeeee!!!”